(no subject)

So I joined this lesbian dating site, kind of for a joke, kind of because I just want to go on a date at some point in my life, & I got a few messages on there; me & this girl from Enskillen batted a few back and forth. Then she sent this message asking if I had MSN 'cause it 'makes for fewer late replies' & saying one of my pics was cute & now I haven't replied to her in over four days.

How do I act like a normal person I don't

#9: things that make you happy

Sometimes I feel like something's so utterly perfect & wonderful that if I try to fit all of it in my head I'll just explode. I've liked They Might Be Giants since I was about 12; I'm only just now watching the video for Birdhouse in Your Soul & I'm worried I might die from how wonderful it is. At the age of 23! I feel like I've got to store these things up because surely if I have too much of them in one go I'll burn out - my lungs will burst, everything will be on fire & then I'll just be left with ashes. Anyway.

+ SILLY BANDS. Not the rubber things. I mean things like TMBG & Talking Heads & XTC. Sometimes life can just be joy & wonder & guitar chords.

+ Earthbound. I'm sick of trying to explain this to people.

+ Related point: Infinite Jest. I continually try to explain how this book actually saved my life a few years ago & they just don't get it. It's great just go read it OK.

+ drinking squash whilst sat on the pavement in front of my house in the summer sun.

+ parties that aren't just everyone getting drunk & doing drugs & listening to terrifying dubstep - fancy dress, cake, climbing trees, kareoke, whatever. I like the ones that end up being so ridiclous that everyone forgets they're Cool & just starts giggling like a twit; I don't really enjoy the other ones.

+ I was going to link to the wizard one but then I found this & pissed myself. I love when people do things like this. It's weird because I hate when people out & out deface books, but when people write stupid notes in them I crack up. I honestly don't know why I find it so funny but I really do. One day I'll find the person who drew all over their Maths mock exam paper to make all the illustrations look like characters from Star Wars in a porno & I will marry them. MARRY THEM

+ this film! The colours; the soundtrack; the story; the acting; even the fashion (not that I know a damn thing about fashion). I only saw it last month at best but I feel as though I've known it all my life. It's Pizzicato 5-IKEA-Viewmaster 3D-kitsch; cool but heartfelt, the famous 17 year old model without any makeup on. I'm actually in love with this damn film.

+ TEA. Really strong tea with sugar & a bit of milk to take the edge off.

+ Really decadent 80s fantasy films - Miyazaki films too. Fantasy novels are OK but I prefer the visual stuff - the Lord of the Rings films, & (lord help me) the graphic novelization of The Hobbit. I don't know why. Biting the hand that fed me, I suppose, or I guess it's to do with the fact that all I really really want is to eventually find something that's near enough to a movie adaptation of The Legend of Zelda that I can be satisfied with it. (I really am obsessed, it's pretty awful).

+ Second hand shops! Even Amazon New & Used, I guess. I love going in & buying a VHS of a film I've wanted for ages & a good-looking book & some cute teacups & only spend about a fiver.

+ Dancing. I like dancing, even though I can be sort of awkward when the music's not something I enjoy, & if you can dance well yourself I will fall in love with you.

+ Old t-shirts, electric organs, really long & elaborate breakfasts, car journeys with good music, going to the cinema on my own, strawberries, animals, flowers, when I find money/sweets in my pocket, cute things, & I don't know; anything that makes me want to leap into the air & run around barefoot in the grass I guess.
holy shit yes Rose's Mom.

(no subject)

After panicking about the last copy of my ~perfect dress being sold for a whole night I went to the shop mid-afternoon & there were loads of them & I fit into a size 8. I managed to only spend £20 on drink in a London bar, & didn't lose a single thing on the train journey there or back. OK I guess I still haven't finished this essay, but it's one in the morning & I have 700 words down, plus plan (at this point I'd usually have around 300 & no idea what to write next).

I don't really understand what's happening. How can my life veer from crashing failure on top of crashing failure to everything going wonderfully & nothing being too much to handle so suddenly? Medication can't generate luck, surely. Maybe it can, who knows. I have a fair bit more essay to write but it's about how amazing I found Balka's How It Is so I guess that's OK.